By Joe Byerly
I was on a road trip with my family in May 2023 when I received a phone call from a Houston-area number.
“Joe, this is Frank Rubio calling from the International Space Station. Our mutual friend Jon passed me your number. Is now a good time?”
Let me pause here to say that I really appreciated him asking, but I feel like there is only one response to this question, “Yes, I can make time for your call from space.”
Frank continued, “I just wanted to say thank you for your podcast. It got me interested in reflection and Stoicism, and I’ve been leaning into that since I found out I’m going to be spending a lot more time in space than I had planned.”
I then listened as Frank told me about the chain of events that led to his extended stay in space and the major moments he was missing back home, including one of his daughters’ high school graduations.
Frank had launched aboard a Russian Soyuz spacecraft in September 2022 for what was supposed to be a six-month mission. But three months after his arrival, the spacecraft that was supposed to bring him home developed a coolant leak. NASA and its Russian partners determined that it could no longer safely carry the crew back to Earth. A replacement spacecraft was eventually sent to the station, but the change extended Frank’s mission by another six months. By the time he returned home in September 2023, he had spent 371 consecutive days in orbit, setting the American record for the longest single spaceflight.
Frank had every reason to be angry. He had left home expecting to be gone for six months, only to discover that he would miss another six months of birthdays, holidays, celebrations, and ordinary evenings with his family.
It was a difficult situation. It was also one he could have made much worse by surrendering to frustration, resentment, and self-pity. He could have gone to a dark place.
He recognized he could not repair the damaged spacecraft. He could not change the return schedule. There was nothing he could do to bring himself any closer to home.
But he could decide how he would respond.
And that brings me to one of the best pieces of advice I have ever heard on the podcast. It came from another astronaut, Chris Hadfield:
“There is no problem so bad that we can’t make it worse.”
He shared this with me as he was recounting a space walk that went terribly wrong. However, he chose to remain calm because he knew panicking could have made it a whole lot worse.
Chris’s advice and Frank’s example work just as well here on Earth.
Life is going to hand us some shitty situations. Plans fall apart. People disappoint us. We lose jobs, relationships, opportunities, and people we love. Sometimes there is nothing we can do to “fix” what happened. There is no way to put everything back the way it was before the rug was pulled out from under us.
But there is always something we can do to make it worse.
We can lash out. We can send the angry message. We can post the social media rant. We can reach for something that numbs us. We can isolate ourselves and ruminate over what happened. We can make a permanent decision in the middle of a temporary crisis.
Or, we can accept the situation for what it is, resist the urge to compound it, and focus on the one thing that still belongs to us:
What we do next. Because no matter how bad the situation is, we can always make it worse.
This post originally appeared in The Sunday Email newsletter
Joe Byerly is a retired U.S. Army Lieutenant Colonel with 20 years of service, including tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, and command of a cavalry squadron in Europe. He earned numerous prestigious awards, including multiple Legion of Merits, Bronze Stars, the Purple Heart, and General Douglas MacArthur Leadership Award. In 2013, Joe founded From the Green Notebook.
A passionate advocate for self-knowledge through reading and reflection, he authored The Leader’s 90-Day Notebook and co-authored My Green Notebook: “Know Thyself” Before Changing Jobs, a resource for leaders seeking greater self-awareness. If this post resonated with you or sparked any questions, feel free to reach out to him at Joe@fromthegreennotebook.com.
