By Danita Darby
In 2019, I hit a professional and personal breaking point. I was investigated as a “toxic”, or counterproductive, leader. I attempted suicide that year too. I survived both—and what followed was a long, humbling healing process. That’s why I wrote to you then (First Article, Second Article).
Today, I want to share what it felt like to be on the receiving end of an investigation—and what I’ve learned since about how leaders can better support those going through it.
I feel a responsibility to support others who find themselves in that same position. Having lived through both an investigation and a separation board, I carry two perspectives: the experience of the subject, and the responsibility of the leader.
To those under investigation:
- You still matter. This is true no matter what you did nor what others accuse you of.
- The first statement is not easy to manifest and believe when you are branded a “subject”. You need to have people in your life that will remind you of your worth (because it’s easy to forget).
- The hard part is letting them. If you give those people permission to stay close, they can help steady you and pull you back up. Your leaders can—and should—be among them.
Not everyone is capable of helping you through this season. People are human, imperfect, and still growing—and some carry their own fear, ego, or bitterness into situations like this.
You don’t need to engage with them. I’ve encountered a few myself, and I’ve learned they are not worth your energy. During an investigation, your energy is limited and precious. Protect it. Be deliberate about who you allow access to it.
You will come out of this. When you do, hold onto the memory of how it felt and what you needed most.
Let that memory guide how you show up for others. And let go of any resentment toward those who failed you. Grudges only keep you tied to a chapter that’s already closing.
You will get through this in your own way, with or without the Army.
When you do, don’t waste what you’ve learned. Leaders are human. Many have never experienced this kind of scrutiny themselves, and that shapes how they judge others.
Your actions, over time, can challenge those assumptions. By how you show up, contribute, and lead, you can teach lessons no policy or briefing ever could—about bias, humility, and second chances. Not every leader will learn. But some will. And that matters.
To the leaders of those under investigation:
Leaders carry a responsibility that doesn’t disappear when things get uncomfortable. Caring for people in our charge means caring for all of them, not just the high performers or the easy cases.
This work isn’t simple, and it isn’t meant to be. It’s how we steward the profession, shape culture, and develop character—both in others and in ourselves.
Remember this: the number of people you can help is equal to the number of people you can hurt. And the more senior you become, the greater that responsibility grows.
Leaders have a responsibility to hold people accountable—and to foster their growth. Those obligations do not disappear during an investigation.
People under investigation need leaders who are steady, fair, and committed to their development. They do not need extra judgment beyond what the role requires, nor do they need leaders performing for outside audiences or seeking moral distance.
If supporting someone through accountability feels transactional, self-protective, or performative, that’s worth examining. We’ve all struggled with this at times. The work is to recognize what’s getting in the way and correct it.
Whether someone made mistakes or not, don’t add to the weight they’re already carrying. Do your job well. Hold standards. And lead with humanity.
When someone comes out of an investigation—and they will—your responsibility doesn’t end. Actively support their growth once the process is over.
Give them space to tell their story if and when they’re ready. Shut down gossip that drags the past into the present without cause. And help them recover from what was likely one of the hardest periods of their life.
This is what those who have lived it need most from their leaders.
Every time I stumbled, my leaders pushed me forward. Some of them advocated for me behind closed doors, called and listened, told me their stories, and much more. My mentors, coaches, peers, former subordinates and first line supervisors believed in me.
In 2022, I was rewarded with a promotion and a spot at resident CGSC for their hard work. I have had the privilege of helping other “subjects” too. If helping you is all I do in my lifetime, I would feel accomplished. Thank you for trusting me. I believe that those of you who are now or will become “subjects” are why I am here. There is no place I would rather be.
What happened to you is part of your story. You decide whether it becomes a weight you carry or a lesson you build from. When you’re ready, take the next step forward.
Leaders, what happens next matters. The way someone recovers from an investigation reflects leadership far more than the individual involved. Be the leader your people need now.
MAJ Danita “Dani” Darby is currently the Brigade S2 for 1ABCT of 1st Cavalry Division. She has served within the 1CD G2 as the Operations Chief. She has also served as a speechwriter within USAICoE, an Instructor at the MICCC, a company commander for an deployed MI Company, and a BN S2 for 2-505PIR, 3BCT, 82nd ABN.
