By Joe Byerly
For the second year in a row, I’ve traveled to Dallas for the Military Appreciation Bowl in an effort to talk to young men and women about the opportunities for serving in our Nation’s military. The multi-day event includes championship games and brings together young high school athletes from all over the country for a National Combine. At the Combine, over 1500 kids are evaluated by professional and collegiate-level coaches on their speed, strength, technique, and potential, and then given a grade.
Regardless of the story they believe about themselves, whether that’s the one that says they are future All-Americans, future Heisman trophy winners, future professional athletes in the NFL, they will get a score card on their abilities.
For some this will reinforce the story.
For others, it will shatter it.
Once they get the feedback, it’s up to them what they do with it. The choice is theirs.
I admire these kids. It can be scary confronting reality.
As the Military Appreciation Bowl Director Rich McGuinness told me this weekend, “It takes courage to face where you are.”
That’s not only true for the kids participating in the combine, it’s true for all of us.
It does take courage to face where we’re at. It takes courage to acknowledge our shortcomings at work and at home. To take stock of our relationships. To see where we stand, to potentially shatter our own stories.
It’s not easy to acknowledge where we don’t quite measure up. It’s much easier to make excuses. To shift blame. To avoid the feedback altogether.
Many of us would rather walk around believing we’re destined for the NFL-level version of our profession, that we’re the spouse of the year, or the parent of the century, than seek the feedback that would show us where we actually need to put in the work.
It doesn’t help that the feedback doesn’t come easy.
Unfortunately, we don’t get a graded sheet like these kids do. The feedback often comes in the form of words said—or left unsaid—actions taken or avoided, and moments of tension we’d rather explain away. And there’s rarely someone standing there with a clipboard, ready to tell us whether we made the grade.
We have to seek it out. We have to be willing to have difficult conversations, and just as importantly, listen to the feedback we’re given.
Most of us don’t need more confidence. We need more honesty.
We all tell ourselves some version of an NFL-like story, instead of “facing where we are”
It’s through seeking feedback, quieting our ego, and listening that we give ourselves a real starting point—our own honest baseline, just like the combine gives these kids. And just like them, the choice of what comes next is ours.
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Joe Byerly is a retired U.S. Army Lieutenant Colonel with 20 years of service, including tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, and command of a cavalry squadron in Europe. He earned numerous prestigious awards, including multiple Legion of Merits, Bronze Stars, the Purple Heart, and General Douglas MacArthur Leadership Award. In 2013, Joe founded From the Green Notebook.
A passionate advocate for self-knowledge through reading and reflection, he authored The Leader’s 90-Day Notebook and co-authored My Green Notebook: “Know Thyself” Before Changing Jobs, a resource for leaders seeking greater self-awareness. If this post resonated with you or sparked any questions, feel free to reach out to him at Joe@fromthegreennotebook.com.
