By Joe Byerly
When I look back on a career’s worth of decisions, I can trace most of my motives to three sources: necessity, passion, and ego.
The first is straightforward. I did a lot of things because they were required of me. I moved across the country. I deployed to the Middle East. I checked the barracks on a Saturday night. Those were the costs of the job.
I also did a lot of things out of passion. I did them for the sake of doing them. I woke up early to read, write, and reflect. I fought for assignments I thought I would enjoy, even if there was a professional risk in doing so. I leaned into work that felt meaningful, even when it was hard.
The third motive, ego, was harder to spot. It had a way of hiding behind necessity and passion. Like a gold miner, I had to shake the sifter to see what was really left in the pan.
My ego was often drawn to the idea of the job, the status and respect that came with it. I enjoyed telling people what I was about to do more than actually doing the work itself.
Other times, my ego was drawn to the idea of myself, and I avoided roles I dismissed as “beneath me,” not because they lacked value, but because they didn’t fit the image I wanted to protect.
Eventually I learned that necessity and passion can carry me through bad seasons, through fumbling starts, setbacks, and dead ends. Even when the outcome isn’t what I hoped for, I can live with it if I did my duty or it fed something I genuinely cared about.
Ego decisions are different.
Those were the moments I became the dog who finally caught the car—ending up in roles where I dreaded going to work every day, yet loved explaining my job to strangers over drinks. Other times, I missed out on rewarding opportunities in places I would have enjoyed, because my ego told me I was better than that.
Eventually, I learned to carry an important tool into my decisions that helped me get below the surface and find the real motive. When you’re trying to understand a decision, past or future, don’t just ask what or how. Ask why. And then go one step further:
Would you still do it if no one knew you were doing it?
Plutarch hinted at the same test when he wrote that the truest actions are the ones that don’t seek an audience—those that fulfill their desire in secret. If something needs witnesses to feel worthwhile, it’s worth questioning why.
I keep coming back to that phrase: fulfill their desire in secret. It’s a simple check to see how much ego is involved.
Don’t get me wrong—it’s rarely one or the other. Most decisions are a mix of all three. But when ego outweighs necessity and passion, I end up paying a price. I feel drained. I get in over my head. I get stuck.
As we head into the New Year, making resolutions, decisions, and setting goals—it’s worth asking: Why? And then asking something harder:
Would I still do it if I couldn’t tell anyone?
If I couldn’t post about it on social media?
If it was something I had to do—or chose to do—quietly, fulfilling its desire in secret?
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Joe Byerly is a retired U.S. Army Lieutenant Colonel with 20 years of service, including tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, and command of a cavalry squadron in Europe. He earned numerous prestigious awards, including multiple Legion of Merits, Bronze Stars, the Purple Heart, and General Douglas MacArthur Leadership Award. In 2013, Joe founded From the Green Notebook.
A passionate advocate for self-knowledge through reading and reflection, he authored The Leader’s 90-Day Notebook and co-authored My Green Notebook: “Know Thyself” Before Changing Jobs, a resource for leaders seeking greater self-awareness. If this post resonated with you or sparked any questions, feel free to reach out to him at Joe@fromthegreennotebook.com.
