By Joe Byerly
I would love to play guitar in front of a crowd at a bar, watch them sing along, and then take requests for their favorite songs.
I would love to have a custom-built shed in my backyard that I built myself.
I would love to hike the Appalachian Trail for six months, then share tales of the interesting people I met and the breathtaking sights I saw.
I would love to say I’ve done all those things.
But I know, without a shadow of a doubt, I wouldn’t enjoy the doing—the months of guitar lessons, the endless trips to Lowe’s, or the long, lonely stretches of walking in the woods.
So these days, before diving into a new project or goal, I ask myself:
Do I want to do this, or do I want to have said I’ve done it?
That question shines a light on motives we don’t always admit to ourselves.
“‘I am writing a screenplay’ is infinitely more interesting to the soul,” Julia Cameron writes in The Artist’s Way, “than ‘I have written a screenplay,’ which pleases the ego.”
Soul vs. ego.
How many decisions do we make to serve the latter? We take certain jobs, chase ambitious goals, or start big projects—not because we feel called to do them, but because we like how they sound when we say them out loud. We like the attention that comes from doing the thing or the idea of doing the thing. We just don’t actually enjoy —doing the thing.
Over the years, I’ve had lots of conversations with people excited to start a blog or launch a podcast. Many get a few posts or episodes in before stepping away. And I don’t think it’s because they lacked discipline or drive—it’s because the work didn’t feed them. They liked the idea of it more than the day-to-day reality. It was something their ego wanted more than their soul did—and I’ve been there too.
It’s an easy trap to fall into. We imagine the attention and admiration that might come from having achieved something. But, guess what? Most people don’t care. They’re too busy thinking about their own lives and the things they want to say they’ve done.
And even if someone does offer awe or respect, it never measures up to the hours, days, or months you spent doing something you didn’t actually enjoy.
So the next time you’re tempted by a shiny new pursuit, ask yourself:
Would I love doing this, or would I just love saying I’ve done it?
The soul is nourished in the doing.
The ego is fed by the applause.
Only one of them stays with you when the applause fades.
This is was originally published in Joe’s weekly newsletter at The Sunday Email
Joe Byerly is a retired U.S. Army Lieutenant Colonel with 20 years of service, including tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, and command of a cavalry squadron in Europe. He earned numerous prestigious awards, including multiple Legion of Merits, Bronze Stars, the Purple Heart, and General Douglas MacArthur Leadership Award. In 2013, Joe founded From the Green Notebook.
A passionate advocate for self-knowledge through reading and reflection, he authored The Leader’s 90-Day Notebook and co-authored My Green Notebook: “Know Thyself” Before Changing Jobs, a resource for leaders seeking greater self-awareness. If this post resonated with you or sparked any questions, feel free to reach out to him at Joe@fromthegreennotebook.com.
