By Mike Everett
We’ve all been asked numerous times: Why did you join? The answer early in my career was “to pay off my college debt.” There may have been other reasons—the challenge, love for country, and a meaningful career. But, initially, the most critical factor was not romantic. It was money.
As I progressed through the first few years of my career as a junior enlisted Soldier and NCO, I realized that I might decide to do this longer than my initial three-year contract. The camaraderie built overseas in a combat zone reminded me of my experience as an athlete and teammate, a familiar component of my upbringing. I had found the perfect profession–or so I thought.
Around year three, I began experiencing chronic back pain, but I remained determined to make the Army a career. I was committed. So I pushed through the pain, leveraged my college degree, and commissioned via Officer Candidate School (OCS) three and a half years after enlisting. I was a high performer, but chronically stressed and in pain. Although I loved my job, I felt I was nearing the brink of what I could handle. As a new lieutenant in a combat arms unit, the pressure was on. Then, a moment came that should have broken me.
September 16th, 2016.
It was an ordinary day—until I received the call that rocked my world to its foundation. My wife was sobbing over the phone. I knew it was bad, but I was too shaken to guess what it might be. An accident? A death in the family? Did something happen to our dog?
Worse. “There’s no heartbeat,” she said.
Our unborn daughter, Juliana Diane, passed away at 39 and a half weeks and was stillborn the following day. Our entire world flipped on its head in a matter of minutes. We were numb. Sick. Angry. Sad. It was the deepest pain I had ever experienced. As I held our daughter in my arms in the hospital just outside of Fort Drum, New York, I was dead inside. I was in a hole I didn’t think I’d ever be able to climb out of. And my wife was down there with me.
Our family was there for us, but we knew they couldn’t stay forever. Our parents had jobs and responsibilities. We knew that we wouldn’t have this familial backbone to lean on in the long term. It didn’t take long for us to realize that we had another family that would be there to pick up the slack–our Army family.
I’m right there with you: “Army family?” Right (eye roll). Maybe we were fortunate to be part of a unit in 3-71 CAV, which was unique in its own right, but my experience with other units would disprove that. There is something special about the Army and the people. We may never have climbed out of that hole without our Army family at Fort Drum.
From the moment my unit got the call, someone from my brigade–be it a Chaplain, a commander, or a friend–was at the hospital. They would wait in a room down the hall when we needed space. When we needed help with our three-year-old daughter, they were there. Leaders across the squadron came together to dismantle Juliana’s room, so my wife and I didn’t have to go home to more heartache. So many people volunteered to bring meals that we had food for weeks. My command asked how much time I needed off and refused to charge the leave. The love we experienced from people who had known us for only a few months was incredible. They barely knew me or my wife, yet because we were a fellow Army family, fellow Ghost Squadron members, we were family. My teammates knew the challenges of being away from their families and were determined to fill the gap. I still talk to most of those leaders and friends. The bonds we forged through those trying times helped my family and me heal, putting me back in a healthy state of mind.
Since that day, leaders from multiple units have overwhelmingly supported our journey. My wife and I established a charity project in the name of our daughter called “Juliana’s Gift.” We have raised thousands of dollars to ensure hospitals near military installations have a “Cuddle Cot,” a specialized bassinet that allows the family of a stillborn child to spend more time together or facilitate extended family flying in. Fundraisers have included 5K runs, online events, and fun runs and walks. These events have always been packed with fellow Soldiers and promoted by unit leadership. While 3-71 CAV was there from day one, our Army family from multiple organizations jumped in and continued supporting our family. I firmly believe that the people in our community are built differently. Loyalty and compassion may be declining in our society, but they have never been stronger in our military families. My story is living proof. Eight and a half years later, I’m still in. My family still loves it. And, collectively, we would never consider another lifestyle than the one we’ve enjoyed.
The Army is hard. Life without a support network is harder. There are good leaders and bad leaders: great commands and toxic commands. The Army is imperfect, and there are tough days when I think about getting out and trying something else. But the Army, with all its imperfections, offers a sense of meaning and a community, unlike most other professions. There is an energy, a love, that underpins the experience. A feeling that we are in this together, even when it sucks. It is a catalyst for a good life, one that is as challenging as it is rewarding. Army life is a life that runs on the families of service members. It is a community that loves you, even if you are a stranger.
The Army family is real–I experienced it firsthand through the most challenging moments of my life. New friends, leaders, and strangers came in droves to be there for me and my family. Few professions experience this, and I am part of one. My reason for continued service will always be the people, the relationships, and the camaraderie that are rare in this world. They have taught me to slow down and enjoy the ride, something a younger, pre-Julianna version of me would not have understood. While my body may sometimes ache, a particular job may be stressful, or I may spend more time away from family than I’d like, I will continue to serve until Uncle Sam shows me the door.
Mike is a husband of 13 years, a father of three beautiful children, and a proud Army Soldier. His wife, Jennifer, and he currently live in Middletown, Rhode Island, and plan to make their seventh move to Fort Meade, Maryland, this summer. For more information regarding Julianna’s Gift, see https://www.facebook.com/juilanasgift/.
