By Joe Byerly
The words escaped my mouth before my brain could catch up. I saw my commander lean back in his seat, eyes narrowing. His chair creaked like a spring under pressure—until it snapped forward.
Then came the ass-chewing.
My face turned red, my heart raced, the other chairs in the room quietly rolled a few inches away to avoid being in the blast radius. My buddies stared at their phones, secretly grateful it wasn’t them.
I walked into that meeting cocksure and full of myself. I left humbled.
That day my ego got quiet. Real quiet.
I can’t tell you how many times that’s happened over the course of my life—times when I strutted into a room or an experience with an inflated ego. And left feeling crushed. It’s miserable in the moment, but those experiences have a hidden benefit. They introduce us to humility. They strip us down, and if we let them, they open us up to something better.
When we get humbled our ego finally shuts-up so that we can pay attention to what’s really going on.
Our ego’s job is to protect our self-image at all costs. If someone says something about us that contradicts who we think we are—funny, smart, competent, loving—the ego flares up in defense. It would rather preserve the illusion than confront the truth. It’s that same voice that warns us that we’ll look dumb when we want to try something new. It tells us to lash out when someone points out something we did that’s “out of character”. It’s the perfect bodyguard for our self-image. Protect at all costs!
Looking back on my military career—and my personal life—any time my ego was protecting my self-image, it was keeping me from seeing what was really happening. Preventing me from learning. Keeping me from breaking bad habits.
When I was a younger Army officer, I thought I had all the answers, that I knew better than the people who outranked me. It was experiences like the one I opened up this post with that caused me to begrudgingly pause and reassess my knowledge.
Let’s be honest: nobody welcomes being humbled. Nobody. We avoid it at all costs. We fake it. We lie to ourselves and others. We dodge conversations. We get defensive. We steer clear of situations that might expose us.
Why? Because it hurts. And because it does the one thing our ego dreads most: it forces us to confront who we really are and see areas that could use some deliberate attention.
When we’re humbled, we start noticing what we couldn’t see before. Blindspots. Weaknesses masquerading as strengths. The limits of our knowledge. And if we’re lucky, we realize we don’t have all the answers—and finally start asking better questions.
So the next time you feel yourself getting defensive, or avoiding a tough conversation, or turning down a new experience that excites but scares you—stop and ask: Is this my ego acting as an overzealous bodyguard, trying to shield me from the very thing I most need to face?
Joe Byerly is a retired U.S. Army Lieutenant Colonel with 20 years of service, including tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, and command of a cavalry squadron in Europe. He earned numerous prestigious awards, including multiple Legion of Merits, Bronze Stars, the Purple Heart, and General Douglas MacArthur Leadership Award. In 2013, Joe founded From the Green Notebook.
A passionate advocate for self-knowledge through reading and reflection, he authored The Leader’s 90-Day Notebook and co-authored My Green Notebook: “Know Thyself” Before Changing Jobs, a resource for leaders seeking greater self-awareness. If this post resonated with you or sparked any questions, feel free to reach out to him at Joe@fromthegreennotebook.com.
