By CPT Alex Weisser
“Until I get too old or too ugly; Uncle Sam will tell me when to leave.” That’s what I tell people when they ask me how long I plan to stay in the Army. To an extent, my tongue-in-cheek saying is heartfelt. I enjoy Soldiering. While some days are better than others, nothing else offers the same sense of comradeship or fulfillment that I get out of serving with and leading Soldiers. I joined the Army because I was raised with the belief that everyone should serve our country in some capacity. For me, that service paid for my college education, introduced me to my wife, and enabled me to live abroad and do things that I’d never dream of doing on the civilian side. That same service has come at a cost, though–largely in terms of my family life.
While I’ve enjoyed my service, it has not always been exactly what I wanted and it’s often stressed my relationships with those I love. My wife is also a Soldier and despite being married since 2018, we’ve lived under the same roof for less than half of that time. The MACP (Married Army Couples Program) has ensured that we are generally close to each other, but that doesn’t ease the burden of high op-tempo combat arms units, especially with children in the mix. Similarly, my career aspirations are often counter to my wife’s, and vice versa. We are both adventurers, which inevitably leads to time apart to gain professional experiences.
When it came to deciding, ‘should I stay or should I go,’ the ultimate question to answer for me was whether my service would prevent my wife from realizing her own ambitions. A foundational part of our relationship involves us both enabling the other to excel–a core value that unfortunately, typically requires choosing between time apart and inhibiting the other’s career. While my wife joined the Army out of a similar sense of service, the strains of the Army on our family time, particularly after the birth of our children, weighs heavily on her. While being away from my boys and my wife is of no joy to me, it does not burden me in the same way that it does her.
The crossroads we found ourselves at was whether continuing our service made sense for both of us, just one of us, or neither of us. We crafted several courses of action (COAs). COA1, both of us continuing to serve, ensured financial stability, but also would come at the greatest cost to our children. COA2, for only one of us to continue serving, would mean more financial frugality, but it would give our children more stability and enable the other parent to pursue their career ambitions to the fullest potential. Finally, COA3, both of us hanging up the uniform, was the least likely but had undeniable benefits to our children and to our ability to pursue post-military aspirations.
We decided to apply to West Point and combine COAs 1 and 2. If neither or only one of us was accepted, we planned alternative career paths. For me, this meant pursuing another command or a broadening assignment. For my wife, this implied pursuing the Voluntary Transfer Incentive Program (VTIP), which would enable her to continue serving but in a branch more conducive to the needs of our growing family. Conversely, if we were both accepted to teach at West Point, we would each attend graduate school, followed by a 3-year teaching tour and Intermediate Level Education (ILE). Following the West Point assignment, my wife would still pursue the VTIP to complete her remaining years before retirement and I would transition directly into my key development (KD) time as a Major.
The potential conflict with our plan was my basic branch’s preferred career timeline. Due to the challenges of balancing two careers, I was already considered behind schedule in my year group. Attending West Point would further compress my timeline, especially as a Major. A two-year graduate program could leave me with as little as 18 months afterward to complete my key developmental assignments. However, a one-year graduate program offered more flexibility post-West Point.
I knew we were staying in the Army the moment my wife was accepted to teach in the Math Department at West Point. Although I did not learn that I was accepted into the Tactical Officer program at West Point for another couple of weeks, we had a feeling that it was going to work out for us. Thankfully, we were right. Hours of writing and years of discussing what was best for us and our family finally came to a resolution. The look of excitement and relief on her face is impossible to forget. I knew that her receiving that nomination gave a clear path for her to continue and finish her service in the Army. With her now having a way forward, events in turn clarified my path, as it typically goes for the dual-military career planning see-saw.
While we still have to complete our command tours and actually ‘get’ to the West Point part, we feel that we have a much better plan for at least the next four years of our lives. A lot of anxiety has lifted from our family. Plenty can still happen to change this outcome between now and reporting the summer of 2026, but the extensiveness of our planning at this crossroads has highlighted to us our alternatives.
Looking back on this experience, my advice to my younger self is to heed the adage, “This too, shall pass.” While determining whether to stay or leave the Army was a multi-year process for my family and extremely frustrating at times, we reached a decision and are content with the current outcome. In addition to that overarching counsel, I would also remind my younger self of two enduring pieces of advice. First, something my wife has learned and emphasized: if I’m no longer excited to get up in the morning for the challenges of serving, it’s okay to hang up the uniform. The Army is purposefully structured to replace us all, and if you think for a second that you’re irreplaceable, you’re kidding yourself. Second, and borrowed from a former battalion commander, the day you look in the mirror and tell yourself you deserve the rank that is on your chest, it is unequivocally time to leave the service. Your position, your job, and your evaluation reports should never dictate who you are.
With those words in mind, I look forward to continued service with Uncle Sam. I know that eventually I’ll hang up my uniform for the last time, but I hope that date is quite a few years down the road. I certainly don’t feel too old or too ugly just yet. I hope the Army sees it that way, too.
CPT Alex Weisser is an infantry officer who claims Jackson, Mississippi as home. He is a graduate of the United States Military Academy, Class of 2018. He currently serves with the 4th Battalion, 6th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Armored Brigade Combat Team, 1st Armored Division and has the privilege of commanding Blackhawk Company. Previously, he served with the 2nd Cavalry Regiment in Germany. Alex is blessed to share life with his amazing wife, Alie, who also serves in 1st Armored Division as a Blackhawk Pilot and Troop Commander. Together, they have two wonderful boys, Vincent and Lorenzo, and two dogs, Lottie and Remy.
