Three years ago, with palms sweating, I walked into my senior rater’s office for a counseling session. I told him, “I don’t want battalion command and plan to retire at the first opportunity.” It took months to gather the courage to say those words. I anticipated reactions such as, “You are quitting on the team,” and “You owe the Army for the time and money invested in you.” Instead, my senior rater showed empathy and asked how he could help align my family, personal, and professional goals throughout the remainder of my career. This alignment is allowing me to stay at my current assignment and position for what will be over six years by the time I retire in 2026.
As a 16-year-old, I watched the 9/11 attacks unfold in my high school auditorium. That day and the following months solidified my path to the military: enlisting in the Army Reserve, and later receiving a commission as an Active Duty officer. The idea of serving a larger purpose, having adventures unlike any other profession, and escaping the frigid Minnesota winters appealed to me. Two decades later, with a growing family, the adventure I sought transformed into uncertainty.
My relationship with the U.S. Army did not degrade over a single incident. Instead, multiple cracks formed over the years, such as lost comrades and two wars with ill-defined end states. The largest crack developed in 2019 when I found out via email I was “hand-selected” to serve a year-long tour in Afghanistan. I had deployed before, but this time felt different. I had a family, and the uncertainty mounted. Leaving my wife and 7-month-old son at the Kansas City airport was one of the hardest moments of my life. Each day in Afghanistan, I felt like a failure as a father for the lost time in my son’s life–something I worked through post-deployment with the help of a therapist.
I reflected during and after my Afghanistan deployment on how the military had consumed too much of my identity, despite my best efforts to hold onto it. Being “busy” meant I was being effective, even if it came at the expense of my relationships with family and pre-military friends. Using the military as my identity meant nearly all friendships and social interactions were with people connected to the military. We had mutual interests and hobbies, such as early morning 10-mile runs, but I was not growing as a person. I was not being pushed and having my views challenged; instead, I was isolating myself inside a military echo chamber. My thinking and attitudes on life became stale.
In 2022, I decided I would retire from the military at the 20-year mark. It took a series of discussions with my wife to reach this decision, each one providing clarity on our viewpoints, excitement, and concerns. Through these discussions, two general themes persisted: family and finances.
Over the last five years, I noticed a disparity between me and most of the senior officers and NCOs who stayed past the 20-year mark: the ages of our children. According to the 2023 Department of Defense Demographics Report, the average age of active-duty children of E-7s to E-9s and O-4 and above is 10 years old. For General/Flag officers, the average age of children increases to 16.7 years old. Anecdotally, most of the E-9s and O-6s I worked with had children in high school or were empty nesters. For the senior leader empty nesters or those without children, there was less familial opportunity cost to continuing with the drumbeat of PCS moves, deployments, and uncertainty.
Becoming a father as a 33-year-old O-4, I was “behind my peers,” meaning my children would still be in elementary school as I assumed more demanding senior leader positions. To be “in it to win it” and achieve future command positions, I would have to prioritize the Army over my family on a recurring basis, a trade I was unwilling to make.
Throughout my career, I enjoyed participating with and building teams: a scout platoon, a Military Intelligence company, and a multinational wartime staff among the top ones. As my children age, I get more joy from building teams outside of the military. In my current season of life, team building is focused on youth sports. I now get more joy leading a group of young kids on a baseball diamond, creating a common goal, and watching their confidence grow on and off the field. My time in youth sports is finite and I no longer want the title of “sir” competing against “coach.”
After retiring from the military, I can prioritize my family above all else because of solid personal finances. The “golden handcuffs” of the military pension and lifetime medical care pushed me to stay in until the 20-year mark. Over a 40-year retirement under the High-3 retirement plan, the net present value (in today’s dollars) of a military pension often exceeds $1 million. Under the new Blended Retirement System, military pension payments also provide a strong financial foundation for many military retirees.
Beyond the military pension, my wife and I pursued financial independence over the latter half of my career. We cut costs such as monthly car payments (my 2007 Honda still rocks), never had revolving credit card debt, and made large contributions to the Thrift Savings Plan, Roth IRAs, and other investment accounts each month. I devoured personal finance blogs and podcasts. Doug Nordman, a retired submariner who reached financial independence in 1999 and has written about it for 25 years, also influenced me. Through Doug’s writing, I knew financial independence was available for everyone retiring from the military; it just required deliberate and consistent action.
Building a large financial nest egg in addition to monthly pension checks provides options for my family and me. It means I can pursue different and more fulfilling career paths, even if the paycheck is nowhere near my military salary. As DoD evolved over two decades, certain missions–past and emergent–conflicted with my personal moral compass. A strong financial footing allows me to be proud of my service and limit these future conflicts.
If I could go back as the kid in the high school auditorium, I would join the Army again, but I would do it differently. I would pursue friendships and join social clubs outside of military circles. I would be more forthcoming with my decision to leave the military. The good leaders want to help everyone excel outside the military, no matter if they served for three or 30 years. I would also do a better job mentoring others, not just telling them to follow the pre-ordained career map from Human Resources Command. As I did in the latter part of my career, taking the “road less traveled” often makes the trip more enjoyable for the soldier and their family.
Lieutenant Colonel Brian Lenzmeier is a Military Intelligence officer at the Network Enterprise Technology Command. Brian is a graduate from Iowa State University and the Advanced Military Studies Program. After the military, Brian will continue coaching multiple youth sports while pursuing a career in financial planning.
