By Joe Byerly
Better than Reality TV
One of the greatest benefits of military service is the number of life experiences we pack into a year; sometimes even into a single week or day. We bring together people from different backgrounds, cultures, values, and life stories, and ask them to function as a team—to accomplish missions that range from life-or-death operations to tasks so mundane they’d make you question your career choices.
Even as I sit here and write this, I can’t help but think about the cast of outlandish characters I served with: the former carnival worker who signed up to serve during wartime, the commander who invented a bunch of rules and named them after himself, and the guy who got his own name tattooed on his neck during a drunken night—only to discover the artist misspelled it.
These personalities all played roles in the moments that shaped my career. With them came an entire collection of war stories.
If you think about it, it would make for one wild reality TV show.
But it’s not a TV show. It’s life. It’s your life—and it was mine.
And these experiences offer us so much more than stories to share one day at the neighborhood bar, over stale popcorn and a cold beer. They offer us insight, growth, and the raw material for becoming better versions of ourselves. But only if we’re willing to slow down and reflect on them.
Values, Strengths, and Weaknesses
These episodes in our lives give us the opportunity to understand our values. They invite us to ask: What drained me? What filled me up? What did I find myself caring about most in that moment? When we take the time to explore those questions, we start to see what matters to us—not just in theory, but in practice.
We also begin to recognize that we’re individuals. Your personal values may not perfectly align with the Army values, and to some extent, that’s okay. Reflection helps you see where there’s alignment and where there’s tension.
These experiences also offer insight into our strengths. We can ask ourselves: How did my contributions impact the team’s success? What came naturally to me in this situation? Where did I feel most confident and in control? These questions help us identify the areas where we thrive and where our natural talents can be most effectively used.
And just as importantly, they reveal our weaknesses. We can reflect on: Where did I struggle? What caught me off guard or left me unprepared? What do I need to learn or develop to handle this better next time? These aren’t easy questions, but they’re the ones that push us to grow and improve.
Reflecting on the Well of Experience
I think of each of our life experiences as a well full of water. Next to each one stands a wooden sign: The tough conversation with a co-worker. First combat deployment. First leadership opportunity. Massive and embarrassing failure. These wells are deep with insight, but we rarely draw from them. We dip our sponges in, yet because of the pace of our lives and the absence of intentional reflection, we only manage to collect a few drops in our buckets before rushing off to the next thing. And each time we do, we leave so much behind.
Unfortunately, when we experience success in our careers, we rarely stop to review what actually happened. Instead of reflecting on the full picture, we tend to draw lessons that highlight our own contributions, gloss over our missteps, and overlook the role of outside factors—like luck, timing, and the team. As a result, we walk away thinking we’re stronger, smarter, and faster than we really are. And we carry those assumptions forward—until they fail us.
For many of us, it takes a massive failure to finally pause and turn inward. It’s usually only then—an event or two too late—that we begin to uncover the deeper lessons. And even in those moments of reflection, it takes real effort to be honest with ourselves. We’ve spent so long seeing ourselves in a positive light that facing the full truth can feel like tearing down a version of who we thought we were.
Failure tends to shatter self-deception, while success tends to strengthen our skewed self-image.
Journaling is one practice I wish I had started much earlier. It’s given me the opportunity to take that water-soaked sponge from my experiences and actually wring it out—capturing as many lessons as possible in my bucket before moving on. With each entry, I’ve squeezed more meaning out of moments that would have otherwise been lost in the blur of busy days. In many instances, it’s helped me sort through the pile—separating good luck from bad timing, recognizing the role others played, and seeing my values, strengths, and weaknesses with much better clarity.
Intention, Courage, and Time
One final note: it takes intention, courage, and time to reflect.
We have to be intentional about learning from our experiences—not just reinforcing the version of ourselves we want to believe. And that takes real courage. When we get honest on the page, it can be hard to face what’s staring back at us.
It also takes time. Not a lot. Just 10–20 minutes a day. But we have to be willing to set that time aside. As author Seth Godin says, “We don’t need more time. We simply need to decide.”
So regardless of where you are in your military career, I encourage you to grab the green notebook you were issued—and reflect. Turn your experiences into lessons. Turn your stories into wisdom. And squeeze that sponge with everything you’ve got. Don’t let any of it go to waste.
Because one day, you’ll be on the other side of it. And the only things you’ll carry with you are the stories and the lessons. But it’s the lessons—reflected on, written down, and revisited—that slowly turn into wisdom. And that wisdom may just be the greatest gift a career of military service has to offer.
