This is Joe’s latest series on Power. Check out his first post here!
By Joe Byerly
The need to be liked is something many leaders wrestle with. But when the desire for popularity is mixed with the desire for power, it creates a toxic brew—one that can destroy not only the leader, but the led as well.
This happens because we think we’re better than power. We tell ourselves we can control it. That we’ll be different. That we’ll do better than the ones who came before us—those who were slowly worn down, chewed up, and discarded by the very power they thought they could master.
But we’re not different.
If we’re not careful, we become our positions. Power tricks us into becoming the commander. Supervisor. Manager. CEO.
We fuse who we are with the job we’re in. Everything we do in that role is no longer about the requirements of that position, it is now a direct reflection of us. We’re no longer the caretaker of the lighthouse, we’re the lighthouse.
And when we start identifying so closely with the role that we forget the responsibility that comes with it, we quit making decisions based on what the position demands. Instead, we make decisions that stroke our ego—ones that make us feel admired, respected, validated, or even feared.
We notice how the crowd reacts when we tell a joke at someone else’s expense. They laugh. They like us.
We start appealing to their lesser sides—because it evokes emotion, because it wins us approval.
When we feed our ego through the crowd, we often end up leveraging their worst instincts.
We tap into their grievances, their cynicism, their appetite for drama or division. And slowly, we shape the culture not around purpose or mission, but towards their whims and our validation.
The crowd becomes a mirror, reflecting back to us exactly what we want to see: admiration, loyalty, belonging.
We’re now deep within the jaws of the popularity trap.
Because while we’re busy feeding that ego, power slips from our hands—into the hands of the very people we’re supposed to lead. People who, more often than not, lack the perspective, the experience, and the wisdom required to steer the organization in the right direction.
For some, resisting that temptation is easier said than done.
I remember early in my career, I traded power for popularity. I wanted my guys to like me. I hated conflict—especially with people I liked and wanted to like me back. So I looked the other way. I failed to hold them accountable, and our performance paid the price—more than once.
At the time, when things went horribly wrong, I chalked it up to bad luck. Now, I know better.
Plutarch, writing about General Pompey in the first century, offers a warning:
Since he was the kind of man who was swayed by what people thought of him and was ashamed to lose face before his friend, he was forced to change his mind and was dragged against his better judgment in the wake of the others’ hopes and desires… He thought it quite right for doctors to never give in to their patients’ wishes, and yet he yielded to the unhealthy elements of his army because he was afraid to pay for their safety with his unpopularity.
When we prioritize the validation of those we lead over the mission we’re entrusted with, we become subject to their whims. We put approval over accountability. We chase applause instead of purpose.
We become like a branch in a river—swept along by the current. One moment, we’re drifting gently in the direction we desire.
The next, the current shifts, and we find ourselves “dragged against our better judgment in the wake of others’ wants and desires.”
Out to sea.
Far from where we started.
Far from where we belong.
The good news? We can always swim back to shore.
But first, we have to stop looking for direction in the applause—and start looking within.
So, ask yourself: Are you the caretaker… or have you become the lighthouse?
Joe Byerly is a retired U.S. Army Lieutenant Colonel with 20 years of service, including tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, and command of a cavalry squadron in Europe. He earned numerous prestigious awards, including multiple Legion of Merits, Bronze Stars, the Purple Heart, and General Douglas MacArthur Leadership Award. In 2013, Joe founded From the Green Notebook.
A passionate advocate for self-knowledge through reading and reflection, he authored The Leader’s 90-Day Notebook and co-authored My Green Notebook: “Know Thyself” Before Changing Jobs, a resource for leaders seeking greater self-awareness. If this post resonated with you or sparked any questions, feel free to reach out to him at Joe@fromthegreennotebook.com.
