By Joe Byerly
Most of us, whether we admit it or not, feel the pull toward the ‘inner circle’ in our professional lives.
For some, it’s a passing thought. For others, it’s an obsession that can cost friendships, even family, in the pursuit of being invited in.
C.S. Lewis captured this danger in his essay “The Inner Ring”:
“Unless you take measures to prevent it, this desire is going to be one of the chief motives of your life, from the first day on which you enter your profession until the last day when you are too old to care.”
In my recent piece, “Power and the Inner Circle,” I explored the dangers of being inside the circle. But Lewis warns of an even greater danger, the pursuit itself.
We see it all the time. There are those who seek proximity to power for what the association provides.
It gives you status. It makes you feel powerful. It fills your ego. It makes you feel relevant. And there is something human in that. We all want to be seen. We all want to matter.
But, there is always a catch. As the musician Pharrell Williams once cautioned:
“Relevance is a drug. Staying relevant will have you doing all kinds of things that you regret.”
At some level, we all chase relevance. And being in the inner circle doesn’t just grant status and power, it also makes us feel wanted, needed, sought after. But if relevance becomes the goal, rather than the work itself, we risk losing ourselves in the pursuit.
Lewis put it bluntly:
“As long as you are governed by that desire you will never get what you want. You are trying to peel an onion: if you succeed there will be nothing left. Until you conquer the fear of being an outsider, an outsider you will remain.”
When we live our lives seeking admittance into the inner circle, we risk not living by our values. We give up our social lives or nightly dinner with our families. We answer the phone mid-conversation. We say and do things not because they are right, but because they might grant us a seat at the table. We chase relevance at the cost of what truly matters.
To avoid this, we must “conquer the fear of being an outsider” and find relevance in being irrelevant. We must find meaning in the work itself, not in where it positions us. Lewis concluded:
“The quest for the inner ring will break your hearts unless you break it…If in your working hours you make the work your end, you will presently find yourself unawares inside the only circle in your profession that really matters.”
It’s not easy. Our egos want to be in the inner circle. Let your work be the win.
Joe Byerly is the founder and director of From the Green Notebook and host of the podcast. He officially retired from the U.S. Army on August 31, 2024. If this post resonated with you or sparked any questions, feel free to reach out to him at Joe@fromthegreennotebook.com.
