by Jakob Hutter
Balancing the demands of military service with raising a family has always been challenging, especially in a country where paid parental leave isn’t guaranteed nationwide. The United States is the only high-income nation that does not mandate paid parental leave at the federal level. According to recent data, roughly 25% of civilian workers have access to paid family leave. While the Surgeon General has recently warned that parenting may be hazardous to parents’ health, parenting challenges can be mitigated when fathers are supported through paternity leave. It not only strengthens family bonds but also benefits fathers’ well-being and the organization.
In recent years, efforts have been made to provide paid parental leave for military service members through the Military Parental Leave Program (MPLP) and federal employees through the Federal Employee Paid Leave Act (FEPLA). Today, both programs offer 12 weeks of paid parental leave for birth, adoption, or foster placement during the first 12 months.
Through the National Defense Authorization Act (NDAA), Congress has demonstrated that this paid parental leave is a worthwhile investment to support the families of federal employees and military personnel while also promoting workforce stability. Many men worry about how taking time off might be perceived or worry they’ll miss out on critical work. Perhaps that is why less than 5% of fathers take two or more weeks of paternity leave. Reflecting on my own experience, I felt the same hesitation myself. Therefore, I’d like to share my early parenting journey and the benefits that come with fathers taking parental leave to love, support, and cherish their spouses and children.
My Early Parenting Journey
As a new father, I was excited about taking paternity leave but also uneasy about how it might be perceived at work. It was essential for me to be there for my wife and son, so I decided to take two of my twelve weeks off immediately after his birth. After all the classes and preparation for the arrival of our little one, I was officially a dad, joining the ‘parenting club.’ As we walked to our car in the hospital parking lot, leaving behind incredible nurses who supported us, the reality set in hard. Suddenly, we were on our own to figure out life with a newborn. Those first two weeks of uninterrupted time with my family allowed us to strengthen our bond and find our new normal as parents. While it felt at times that we were simply surviving, those days built our resilience as we faced each new challenge together. It wasn’t just about being a good dad or husband but laying the foundation for our family and supporting each other that set the tone for the months ahead.
The fourth trimester, or the first three months of our son’s life, was a whirlwind of sleepless nights, endless diaper changes, and learning curves. Fathers are crucial in supporting the mother’s health and recovery while actively sharing parenting duties. Fathers can help foster a safer, more nurturing environment for their children by fostering a smooth transition from work to parenthood with paternity leave. I don’t think General Eisenhower got his ‘plans are useless, but planning is indispensable’ from the unpredictability of raising a newborn, but I think it certainly applies here. No number of prep classes, parenting books, or well-intentioned advice prepared us fully to raise our son. To give my wife a break from breastfeeding, I handled bottle feeding, diaper changes, and anything else to support my family. Even small things, like reheating the nesting meals my parents had lovingly prepared, helped ease her recovery.
After those first two weeks, I returned to work, but my thoughts remained with my family.
My wife began integrating back into her mental health practice about a month earlier than expected, so she would care for our son during the day and then head to her practice when I got home. These evenings offered a glimpse of the daily challenges she was navigating alone.
These moments deepened my appreciation of how challenging it can be to manage the demands of caring for a newborn alone, highlighted my wife’s resilience and strength through it all, and underscored the importance of sharing the parenting load. And so, after careful consideration, I decided to take the remaining ten weeks of my paternity leave.
Communicating this to my boss and team was key. I knew my extended absence meant delegating my tasks and responsibilities, so I wanted to be transparent about why this time was important for our family’s well-being. There was some initial pushback, with a suggestion to break up leave into smaller segments. However, having an open and honest conversation, I found my decision was met with understanding and support. It helped ensure a smooth transition. From an organizational perspective, offering paternity leave fosters a culture of work-life balance, gender equality, and inclusivity. A McKinsey study demonstrates that fathers who take leave return being more motivated, productive, and committed to their organizations.
Taking the remainder of my parental leave to continue bonding with my son while supporting my wife in growing her small business has shown me the true value of this time. I now have this incredible opportunity to form deeper bonds with my son and engage more fully in caregiving. Research even shows that consistent fatherly engagement enhances brain connectivity for fathers. Experiencing this firsthand, I can feel myself becoming more attuned to my son’s needs, reinforcing the positive impact our family has gained by taking paternity leave.
Therefore, leaders should promote paternity leave to create a more supportive and equitable work culture.
Leadership Actions That Strengthen Work Culture
Leaders can openly support parental leave and foster a culture where family and professional responsibilities are equally valued. It is important for fathers not to be overlooked when sharing the responsibility of parenting their children.
- Communicate Policies Clearly and Address Misconceptions: Leaders should first understand the current policies and procedures regarding parental leave to communicate them effectively. This helps mitigate misconceptions and keeps everyone informed. Promoting these policies reinforces the message that leaders support and encourage, not just tolerate. Leaders can further initiate these conversations by highlighting the benefits to the individual and the organization.
- Collaborate on a Flexible Leave Plan: Developing a parental leave plan in coordination with the individual ensures a smooth transition that accommodates the needs of the family and the organization during their temporary absence. These elements include identifying key dates, assessing responsibilities, delegating tasks, and planning to return to work. Leaders should further emphasize the importance of disengaging from work, including checking emails or attending meetings. This counsel strengthens the relationship of the individual’s family while also demonstrating respect for family commitments.
- Normalize Parental Leave: Leaders can foster a culture of normalizing parental leave by “parenting out loud.” This practice allows parents to be transparent about parenting responsibilities such as changing diapers, school pick-ups/drop-offs, and taking all paternity leave available. By actively sharing, it creates room for others to share as well. Additionally, leaders should actively combat biases or stereotypes, ensuring that taking parental leave isn’t seen as a risk to their careers. This is especially crucial for parents of children with disabilities, those who experience miscarriage, or other unique family needs.
Leaders who set the example to provide a more inclusive and supportive culture will help foster team engagement and improve their organization. The implications for leaders not doing this will likely lead to a strong resentment toward the organization and, potentially, pushing them to leave at their earliest opportunity.
The conversation around parental leave is essential to foster a more equitable and supportive culture. By understanding and addressing the stigma, leaders can create an environment where parents feel empowered to support their families without any negative judgment or concern over their careers.
As for me, I am fully committed to utilizing every moment of my paternity leave to care for my son and support my family. I trust that my organization will continue to thrive during my temporary absence, allowing me to return to work reenergized and fully engaged. This is not just a break; it’s an opportunity to foster deeper connections with my family while supporting a culture that values parental involvement. Taking paternity leave isn’t just a personal decision but an investment in family and organizational health.
Jakob Hutter is a Kansas Army National Guard logistics officer currently serving as the Battalion S3 for the 169th Division Sustainment Support Battalion in Leavenworth, Kansas. Jakob also serves as a troop command brigade training officer. He has a Master of Science degree in Organizational Leadership and received his commission from Kansas State University in 2016.
