by Mike Martino
Fresh off a promotion to Major, with a golden ticket to the Army’s Command and General Staff Officer Course, I left active duty after ten years as an Infantry Officer. Leaving the Army was one of the toughest decisions I have ever made. Transitioning out is an incredibly personal and unique journey for every service member. Nevertheless, I have found a lack of literature available to inform this decision or aid in creating an exit strategy. In this article, I will discuss why I decided to leave the Army, how I began and completed the process, and what I learned along the way.
The Big Decision: Stay or Go
Two issues influenced me most in deciding to leave the military: my family life and my own personal satisfaction. I loved being a Soldier and a leader. There’s not a moment of my service that I regret. However, over time, my priorities changed, and the things I once enjoyed about the Army were no longer fun or fulfilling. I found my routine exhausting and, looking inward, I realized that I had neglected myself. Even worse, I had sidelined the most important relationships in my life: my wife, my family, and my close friends.
From the moment I swore my first Oath of Office, I was all Army, all the time. I poured myself into my duties. Everything came second to my Soldiers and the tasks that I was assigned. I justified this prioritization by characterizing it as Selfless Service. To me, being an Officer required an extraordinarily high level of commitment. Even in assignments that should have been an opportunity for me to prioritize family life and personal goals, I convinced myself that if I wasn’t uncomfortable, I wasn’t developing, and in turn, I wouldn’t be as prepared as I would need to be for the next leadership position. Consequently, I devoted all of myself to each assignment, without leaving time for self-care or my family. This work grind caught up to me mentally, as I rounded out my first year of command.
It hit me as I was thinking about the next step after Company Command. I thought about what I had missed over the years: weddings, birthdays, reunions, anniversaries. I thought about my circle of friends and how much smaller it had become. I could not remember the last time I called home to check on my parents; nor could I really pinpoint any hobbies that I had dedicated any time to. Then, I looked to the future. I saw myself relocating at least three times in the next five years for assignments that would require my absolute effort. I would have to ask my wife to change careers for a third time and consider starting our family with little promise of stability. I realized I was not satisfied with myself as a son, husband, or friend and a change was needed.
I know that this experience is not unique to me or any one branch of the military. Don’t Lose Yourself in your Service: Why I Couldn’t Stay in the Navy by Marina Muenster shares a similar view of her own career and offers poignant advice to military leaders. I, too, burnt myself out. The challenging field exercises, the meaningful time spent with Soldiers, and the pride and purpose I derived from service no longer made up for the focus I had lost on what mattered most: my family. Transitioning from Active Duty was the course correction I needed.
Commit to Going and Trust the Process
Commit to your decision to leave the military. Be confident in your reasons for leaving and pursue your transition goals aggressively. I found the prospect of leaving the Army terrifying, but I was confident in my reasons. Once I committed to leaving, I found I could execute transition tasks without doubt or hesitation and communicate honestly with those around me, especially my superiors. This increased level of transparency and confidence kept me on the transition glide path, with few hindrances or misunderstandings with my chain of command.
In my experience, I vocalized my decision to transition while being considered for a second Company Command, a goal I knew I wanted to accomplish before leaving. My transparency was well received and I was given a sizable Headquarters Company to lead while I pursued transition activities. In retrospect, I thought I performed better in my final year in the Army than I had in years previous, including my first command. I felt that I was more genuine as a leader, more empathetic to others, and more efficient as I had to balance my duties with preparation for a career outside of the military. I was unencumbered by distractions and the stress of deciding whether to stay or go.
Operationalize and Organize Your Transition
Operationalize and organize your transition just like you would with any task in the military. I used my transition priorities to backwards plan and create an execution checklist integrated with my transition timeline. These priorities also produced questions which drove my conversations with peers, mentors, family members, counselors, and supervisors. Through these interactions, I learned about opportunities and was able to create a checklist of tasks, due dates, meetings, and appointments for each month of my transition. I overlaid these on my timeline and assigned a priority focus for each month.
For example, I had three broad priorities for my transition: my military duties, preparation for my second career, and preparation of my household and family. My military priority was simple: anything Army came first. This ensured my Soldiers had a present leader but also that I had clearly defined windows to focus on other priorities. This showed me the time I had available to commit to transition.
With respect to career preparation, I budgeted myself four months to ensure I had a job waiting for me. I identified several people in the career field I desired and arranged meetings with each to gather their perspectives. These consults, together with my own research, helped me identify requirements for my future job and gave me subtasks to add to my calendar. I leveraged my installation’s Transition Assistance Program (TAP) to learn about educational benefits I’d need to utilize. I contacted the alumni association at the university I had graduated from to help with networking. As soon as I learned that I needed to acquire a specific certification through a trade school, I extrapolated all of the school’s admission requirements on my calendar and attacked them methodically over several months.
I managed my third priority similarly–by identifying the needs of my family, researching how to satisfy them, and establishing subtasks to fulfill the priority. One aspect of this was finding a home. Again, I solicited advice and researched to focus my efforts. Open houses, meetings with realtors, traffic pattern research, work proximity, and schools nearby all became dates on a calendar as each task represented a step towards being fully prepared to exit the military.
Establish Personal Goals
Aside from broad priorities, establish personal goals and include them in your transition timeline. Setting goals for yourself provides the opportunity to evaluate your personal needs and establish habits that will carry on into civilian life. Three of the many goals I had were to maintain my fitness regimen, to read and write more, and to nourish my relationships better than I had in the past.
I accomplished the fitness element by visiting my installation’s athletic performance center to build relationships with trainers and educate myself. These visits provided me with knowledge, techniques, and programs which sustain me.
In my last year in the military, I had a supervisor impress upon me the importance of reading and writing. He shared a technique that I incorporated into my last year in uniform and still use today. To stay well-read, I pick a topic for each month of the year and set a goal to read two books and at least two articles on the topic. Every four months, I write about a subject I’m passionate about. This habit helps me read at least 24 books a year across 12 subjects and allows me an opportunity to process my thoughts with the seasons.
With regard to relationships, I found that I never committed enough time to the people I cared about. So I made it a point to call, text, get lunch with, or travel to visit people. I elevated this aspect of my life as a priority higher than work. Birthdays, anniversaries, and check-ins reside in my phone as calendar reminders now.
What I Learned About Transitioning
Every leader should familiarize themselves with the transition process. Going through it myself made me wish I had done it sooner, as a Platoon Leader or Company Commander. I learned so much about the resources available to transitioning Soldiers, the agencies on post (e.g., finance, records, transportation), and the timeline needed to be successful. I could have advised a lot of Soldiers a lot better if I had been more familiar with the transition process from the start. For those of you who are thinking about making the jump to civilian life, here’s what I learned about the transition process.
- Give yourself time to transition and be able to “see” that time.
I deliberately chose to dedicate 12 months to this process. Because I used my monthly priority timeline to focus my tasks each month, I never felt rushed or unprepared. I synchronized my transition requirements and medical appointments in such a manner that minimized impact to my last official duties and provided me flexibility. I completed everything in six months and had time to adjust my plan while pursuing personal goals and additional objectives like technical certifications. Also, find something to organize your timeline. I found Google Calendar to be incredibly helpful and used it to input my priorities, tasks, and appointments over the 12 months of my transition. Whatever tool you choose, I think it’s essential that you are able to see your transition in time and space.
- Consider the Reserve.
The Reserve is a phenomenal way to continue serving and a good stepping stone as you transition. Each installation has a career counselor who can provide information on the Reserve. Be prepared to work as hard to find a Reserve position as you would in the civilian job market, and make sure to allocate time for this search in your transition timeline. As you make a decision, consider your job interests, pay grade, and job location. If you’re a Soldier, the HRC website has a “vacancy map tool” that can show you Army Reserve job openings. S1 Net on milsuite also publishes a monthly listing of job vacancies.
- Save your money.
This is true for any career change. Your Transitions Assistance Program should provide a cost of living “acid test” calculator that shows what your actual expenses will be outside the military and offers advice on the minimum amount of income to make ends meet. Start saving as soon as you are thinking about the transition, consider investments and clearly define a future budget. I was able to transition confidently because of this and implemented my “post military budget” early enough to refine it prior to my final duty day.
- Be nice.
My last lesson learned? Be nice. It sounds simple, but it’s easy to fall victim to cynicism as a service member. As I transitioned out, I made it a point to be more mindful and empathetic in my daily interactions. My exit from the military introduced me to so many Soldiers and government employees who work tirelessly, behind the scenes, against an incredible workload to ensure service members are cared for. The simplest way to recognize their effort is to be courteous and kind. Kindness opened doors for me as I organized my transition and made my exit from active duty a seamless one.
This was my experience in transitioning from the military and you, one day, will have your own. Though nothing in life is ever certain, I know one thing for sure: If you were a good Soldier, Sailor, Marine, Airman, or Guardsman, you are going to succeed. The military prepared you well and gave you a unique experience in our society–one of Selfless Service. As part of the 1% of the nation who took the Oath to support and defend the Constitution, you are adept to deal with whatever comes your way. Just as you raised your right hand and committed to our country at the start of your military journey, be just as fearless in committing to your transition and the next chapter of your life.
Mike Martino recently transitioned from Active Duty to the Army Reserve after serving for 10 years as an Infantry Officer. He is currently pursuing a career as a firefighter EMT in his hometown of Sarasota, FL and remains as passionate about the topics of leadership and service as the first time he put on a uniform.
